Obama, Putin, and Europe

Obama, Putin, and Europe

A Swat Team is about to break into your house and the entirety of five city blocks surrounding your home have been blocked off. You have ten seconds to prepare yourself before them battering ram your door, smashing it off its hinges and storm the place.

Just kidding, not another one of those god dam posts! Enough is enough!

Time for some awesome shit.

America is apparently doing better in the economy, Russia has decided it probably ISN'T gonna annex the Ukraine, Poland is kind of just chilling, and Germany is like, "Who needs money?"

Obama does look incredibly weak when it comes to his deals with Putin it's kind of like, "When is the Big O gonna lay the smack down and mop the floor with this guy!?" But hey, if a country won't defend itself for fear of severe overwhelming retaliation at the merest flinch of aggression from a defensive nation you're BONED.

Democracy flies out the window and might makes right, realities make for great reality television, and still being alive means those that are dead by default cannot have what you're fighting over.

Cool.

In other news don't mention X or Y or Z or you'll die in a feminazi fire, a grammar nazi fire, or a labor nazi fire.

Rainbows.

Cowboys vs. Ninjas?

Cowboys vs. Ninjas?

Win the age old battle of cowboys vs ninjas one must examine the obvious unfortold and unforeseen paradoxes that undergird both. Essentially, Cowboys have guns ando lassos while at the same time typically riding horses as their mode of travel. They typically do well in duels like in the movies but rarely have the discipline of a ninja. They're prone to acts of sudden verility and dercisiveness that can lead to their sudden and oftentimes humorous audience appeal. Cowboys have always been known for their sharp reflexes, especially with their hands. They also tend to be pretty good with a rifle and can conceal weapons in the most unsuspecting of places such as in the Eastwood films.

Ninjas, on the other hand, are actually the epitome of discipline. They train for most of their lives and sacrifice love, lust, and the majority of what makes people not killing machines for the sake of concentration so strong and an agility so swift they can run on water. Ninjas also have ninja stars, or shurikens, which they use to subdue, maim, or mortally wound their opponents. Their pouch also oftentimes carries smoke bombs, knives, and other weapons and although ninjas don't usually have horses they do usually have the ability to jump from tree to tree using their almost internally combusted locomotive skills.

Based on these facts alone one could assert that ninjas are the clear victor, but...

That wouldn't be sportsmanlike would it? 

So what do you think?

Whose better in a fight, cowboys or ninjas?

Humanity has been turned into a race of slaves by Aliens.

Humanity has been turned into a race of slaves by Aliens.

There's nothing that can be done to stop them, they're everywhere. They've forced the humans into fields miles long and there's literally nothing that can be done to save them from their eventual fates. Then a fucking UNICORN came the fuck out of nowhere and starts IMPALING aliens on its horn fucking people up left and right hoofing their brains in and whiplashing them with it's tail firing rainbow laser beams out of its horn slicing entire rows of aliens into explosions. Then, the teenage mutant ninja turtles show up and start smacking the shit of the aliens cutting and slicing, smacking, choking, and breaking their will with each alien they slaughter, eventually destroying thousands.

The power rangers show up with shotguns and blow their heads off because fuck the power rangers.

The humans were eventually free by Unicorn and Friends and all was well.

The day was saved by Unicorn and Friends.

End of the World Question and Answer

End of the World Question and Answer

The earth is shaking, it's the end of the world and the world is about to explode, what do you do?

One Rule: If you try to warn ANYONE, it will EXPLODE!

Well, simple I simply take advantage of this time to do everything I never did while the Earth wasn't about to explode. I'd probably sky dive, catch fireflies, butterflies, play rugby, get in a bar fight, go to an orgy, kill someone, shoot an AA-12 shotgun, snowboard, air-drop snowboard out of a helicopter, sky-board, perhaps maybe have some gourmet steak from the world's finest chef. followed by a date with Scarlet Johansson. Afterwards, i'd probably visit the heads of all the major religions and of course the world's smartest scientists and ask them everything I can about the afterlife. I would then attempt to democratize Somalia, conquer Afghanistan, and find Atlantis. I would also fight through the war-stricken trenches of War 3 for Atlantis emerging as Leader of Everything. Then, as I was about to die as Leader of Everything, I would ask the people if they want to come with me and, lovingly they would say "Yes!" I mean who isn't polite when you're about to die right? Then I would tell them of the End and we'd all go together.

Yep, that just about sums up what i'd do with the rest of my life and the rest of everyone else's. I now, pretty bad-ass right? Dabs.